Recovery...

if you don't know by now, i've joined the "birth story telling band wagon" and i'm telling Mattie's now and i'll tell Ryder's next. here goes....Well, i'm in recovery watching and listening to Mattie scream her head off for four hours...real fun. at the time we lived in Groves, Texas and Brian was the Youth Minister at Friendship Baptist. Mrs. Aline, Bro. Dennis, and Laurie (our pastor, his wife and daughter) each came in to talk to me and then family came in i think..i was pretty out of it. but then they took me to my room and brought mattie in. i finally get to hold her:) i attempted to nurse her...not so fun. during the whole hospital stay i tried...the nurses tried to help...but it just wasnt' happening. i thought i was "educated" on all that but i wasn't. My family was there, Brian's family and big Bro were there, my Grandaddy and Ann were there. Then our friends from church would come and visit. Friendship holds a very special place in our hearts...they got to be apart of our first child's birth and our second one, too. very special time. the youth were away at leadership camp that same week and they would call the hospital to check on us...very sweet! brian had just gotten a video camera, so he decides to set it up on the tripod and video. on the first morning after she was born he set it up and started recording. it is soooo funny now to watch it. he recorded me eating my first meal in like 30 something hours. i mean i was chompin' down on those grits and toast as he was brushing out the tangles in my hair. i'd be like, "ow" b/c he was pulling my hair...and let me tell you NO ONE touches my hair ask Connie. i'm just like my mom! so for him to be brushing my hair was funny in itself..but back to the "ow" part...i would take a bite and scrunch my face up in pain b/c he was hurting my "tender" head....hahahahaha good times. Brian took such good care of me...very loving and attentive. anyway, one thing i didn't tell is that while i was still pg w/ Matt, i was supposed to be taking iron pills - i was anemic(sp?). well, i quit taking them b/c they hurt my stomach. so during the c-section i apparently lost a lot of blood. when i was back in my room, i was getting up to go to the bathroom and the nurse had to catch me b/c i almost fainted. at that point Dr. Dowdy was like ok let's start giving her blood. i had to get A LOT of blood but first i get to sign my life away on this paper that says i won't sue the hospital if i get some kind of disease from the blood they're going to give me. ok first you have to know that Brian and I both "waited" till we got married wink wink nudge nudge. so i'm crying in the bed thinking, "i waited 26 years to have sex and found a guy who waited too and now i'm fixin' to get somebody elses blood that might give me some kind of disease." it was all very stressful and scary but i had to do it. so yeah how fun was that. not very. anyway, my dad would get up early each moring i was in the hospital and come visit me. he had to leave mom and connie in groves b/c he had to get back to work and also b/c my PawPaw, his dad, was VERY ill and he needed to get back w/ him. his birthday came will mom and connie were still w/ me...he had to be alone on his b-day but he was very sweet about it. well, we make it through the hospital stay and on the last day i'm waiting to see the doctor and i just start crying. i didn't really know why but i just knew i wanted to get home to be w/ the rest of my fam. Dr. Dowdy came in and was like, "ok why the tears" and i was like "i don't know". he said, "if this lasts for more than two weeks come in and see me." - he even got one of his nurses to call me when i got home to check on me and reassure me! i knew about the "baby blues" so i figured it was that. on the way home Brian stopped like two times to make sure mattie was ok in her car seat...he so funny. Mom, Connie, and Sue were waiting for us when we got there....roast, potatoes, and carrots were in the oven yum yum! so we get home and get settled. b/c i had a nice incision from the c-section it was very painful to walk and even laugh. i remember it took 2 weeks until it wasn't as painful to get up and down and walk around. now to the part about how i wasnt' ready for mother hood...i didn't even change her diaper for a while b/c i just didn't want to. i was scared i would do it wrong. funny now but not then. connie would come in the living room and be like, "mattie needs to be changed" and i'd say, "you can do it". when Connie and mom were getting ready to leave i would just cry and cry. i cried a lot that week. But Sue stayed an extra week after theyleft so that was a big help! i remember Michawn calling and checking on me and all i could do is cry and tell her of all the thinkgs i wasn't going to be able to do w/ Brian now that Mattie was here. so strange now to think back on all this. Mattie is right there w/ us in all we do now. she loves to ski and loves to swim. our to favorite things to do. funny. anyway....The blues lasted about two weeks. but during those two weeks my sister gets married. i'm so mad at myself b/c i couldn't even enjoy it as much as i wanted to. i couldn't be what is was supposed to be for her. i didn't even get to stay at the house w/ all the girls that were at the bachelorette party b/c i had to get back to this new baby...we stayed at my Grandaddy's house that night. i vividly remember being at the rehearsal dinner sitting next to Connie and she looks over at me and was like, "what's wrong" and in my head i was saying..."i don't know" but i can't remember what i told her. Our friends the Brantly's were keeping Mattie during the rehearsal and dinner so that was very nice not having to worry about Matt during all that. It got worse....i don't know if Connie even remembers this but i actually yelled at my mom during the family picture part...i yelled at her in front of all our family. Ann (my step grandmother but really she's my grandmother) tried to help me by sitting and talking w/ me during the rest of the picture session. my emotions were soooo messed up. (Connie please don't be mad at me for saying all this) i was happy and excited for connie but i couldn't show it like i wanted to. During the wedding, our friend, Sandra Bailey watched Matt, so that was nice. Well, we get her married and while she takes off on her honeymoon and new life w/ Levi....i'm left w/ this baby i'm supposed to be excited about but it just wasn't happening. of course i loved her but it was all so strange to me. well, my emotions and hormones finally got straightened out but it literally took me 3 years to get used to having a child. weird i know. i've always been crazy about my Matt girl but i just had to get used to her...hahahaha. She's means more to me/us than we could have ever imagined. she's beautiful, fun, loving, caring, sweet, hard headed, stubborn, loves her family, loves making friends, loves skiing, loves swimming, loves life, she looks like me but has her daddy's personality...thank God!...i love my Matt girl! Ryder Creek Britt's story next....