It is on!

I've had it w/ my weight. it is absolutely rediculous that i am as big as i am. and all you people out there that say "oh you look fine...your gut doesn't make you look like your 6 months pg." can just stop the lying cause it does and i do. i literally walk in fear when i go to wal-mart or somewhere where they don't know me b/c i'm afraid someones gonna ask, "so when are you due". like i told the wal-mart check out girl when asked about "my baby" after patting her flat skinny as a rail stomach, "no i'm just fat". This picture is of me 1 year after mattie. i was down to 126 lbs. but it hasn't gone like that w/ ryder. monday night we bought a stationary bicycle from w-m. so far each morning i hop on it after mattie gets on the bus. yesterday i rode for 15 minutes and today it was for 18 min. my goal is to ride m-f for 30 minutes and take off on sat and sun. i talked brian into replacing a meal everyday w/ a bowl of cereal. he only eats twice a day so we'll probably eat cereal at night and eat sensibley at lunch. i've done it before and I WILL DO IT AGAIN! the people at our church only know me as chunky. i want them to know me as slim.

let's see i'm 155 lbs now and i want to be 135 lbs so i only need to lose 20 lbs. shouldn't be too hard. (well last spring i got down to 140ish but through the winter i piled on the pounds.) i've got to change my mind set about eating or i'll gain it all again next winter. eat in moderation.

here i go on another soap box....God did NOT make me like this. i made myself like this. I'm what they call an "emotional eater" i eat based on emotions alot of times. and i flat out find joy in eating. i love to eat bottom line. but i choose to eat and eat and eat. even when i'm not hungry. now i do know there are medical/mental conditions that cause people to eat and gain weight and they can't help it. i have a good friend that has crohns (sp?) disease and the meds that she takes causes her to gain weight and she can't help it. i understand that and i truly feel sorry for her b/c she does want to lose weight. anyway, ....BUT there are millions of us out there that eat and eat and eat b/c we WANT to. it doesn't have to be that way. we just have to eat in moderation. we don't have to go on some stupid "only can eat just carrots and celery w/ water" diet. eat sensibly. we don't have to deprive ourselves. stop eating when we're full. don't finish our plate save it for the next day. we need to do something active. I HATE to excercise. but everyone needs to do some type of it. some how some way.

there now i just got to practice what i preach huh.